Fading Away
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: Three new parts up! If one walks long enough, and far enough... will they just fade away?
1. Fading Away

Fading Away

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply and all that.  The characters aren't mine, although I just had a thought… if they DID have to redesign Nagi… would they dress him in something more comfortable?  Something with a little COLOR perhaps?  Song used comes from the anime, hack//SIGN, and is called The World, composed by Yuki Kajiura.  Awesome song… haven't seen the anime… but I love the song.

Warnings: nothing really… mental self-angsting mainly

**_~You are here alone again / In your sweet insanity~_**

No one came after him this time, as he shut the door behind him.  He walked to the elevator and waited patiently for it to arrive. He had a lot of patience.  It seemed like everything was falling apart.  Ever since they had broken away from Esset.  That had been their one goal for so long, well, it had been Crawford and Schuldich's goal.  Farf was pretty much in a world of his own most of the time, either insane or in a drugged haze, and him… well… he had never really been given a choice in the matter.

Ever since his parents had dumped him off in the streets, his life had been out of his control.  At first it was just survival.  If you wanted to survive, you did whatever you had to.  Then when Crawford had found him, the American had simply taken him.  True he had taken him away from the streets and their drug pushers, and pimps, and threats of starvation; but he had never asked.  The man had tossed him on a plane and by the next day he was in a strange country, where they spoke strange languages, ate strange food, and was surrounded by far too many strange people for his comfort.

At Rosenkreuz they never asked what he wanted.  It was survival again, of a slightly different kind.  In many ways, his time there was more hazardous than those years on the streets.  He learned quickly not to question.  Do as you were told and follow the rules, cause the alternative would make you WISH you were dead.

Then Crawford had taken him back to Japan, as a member of his field team, a member of Schwarz.  The American had cut short his time at Rosenkreuz by several years.  Not that he wasn't grateful; the place wasn't exactly a nurturing institution.  But again, did anyone ask if he wanted to be a member of Schwarz?  Or if he wanted to return to Japan?  Of course not.  His opinion didn't matter.  He was a tool for Crawford.  A part of the man's master plan to break free of the organization that owned them.

And that mission had been completed… although with Weiss's involvement not quite according to plan… so now, what use did the man have for him?  They were floundering.  The remnants of Esset seemed to be tiptoeing around them right now.  No doubt fearing the ones who had chopped off the head.  Without something to work for… a clear goal… a purpose, they were in limbo.  All the tension and anxiety were driving him insane.

**_~All too calm, you hide yourself from reality~_**

He wandered through the streets.  The area was thronged with people, a sea of flashing lights and sounds from karaoke bars and pachinko parlors.  The crowd was a mix of students, middle-aged business men who hadn't gone home yet, and foreigners all looking for a good time.  There were even a few kids like himself, looking like they had snuck out past their bedtimes, some of them probably had.  He wandered, a nameless, faceless part of the crowd.  Searching for… he didn't know what he was searching for.  A different life perhaps.  Because this reality wasn't what he wanted.  But then, he didn't know what he wanted.

**_~Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty? ~_**

He made his way out of the busy 'entertainment' district to the quieter residential streets.  It was darker here too.  Almost shockingly so after the over-bright lights.  The houses and apartment buildings were mostly dark, only a light here and there to show where someone was still awake.  It was well past when he would normally have been ordered to bed.  But no one had come looking for him.  

Crawford could always consult his gift and know where he would be and when and be standing there waiting for him, a frown on his face for the bother.  But he wasn't.  Schu could find his in the sea of minds and home in on it like a pigeon to roost, popping up with a smirk and a rude comment.  But he didn't.  Farf… Farf was probably locked up.  None of them came.  He had his keitai of course; habit made sure he never left the apartment without it.  But none of them called.  

He wondered if it indicated their high regard of him, that they were granting him this freedom.

Or if it merely indicated that they didn't care at all.

**_~When all the world turns away to leave you lonely~_**

He found himself sitting on the steps leading up to a small shrine.  By now the trains had stopped running.  If he wanted to get home he would have to walk.  Not that he wanted to go home.  Home.  What was that exactly?  Was it merely the place in which you lived?  Or was it supposed to be more than that?  Was 'home' a family?  People who loved and cared for you.  Someone who would be worried when you were out late.  A place that you wanted to be, no matter how small or humble?

Home.

He didn't think he really had one.  He didn't think he had ever had one.  He looked up at the torii standing silent guard over him, its rope and gohei swaying slightly with the breeze.  The place was quiet.  It was supposed to be calm and serene.  He found it lonely.

He sighed and stood, letting his feet carry him away.  He didn't know where he was going exactly.  Tonight was a lot like his whole life, a steady sequence of not knowing where he was going.  It was hard, to be so alone.

**_~The fields are filled with desires / All voices crying for freedom ~_**

Want.  What did he want?  He had never really considered it before.  Wants and desires had changed since he had been left, staring after the departing car, his parents never looking back.  They had been afraid of him.  Afraid of that strange ability that would burst forth whenever he was frightened or upset.  They had thought him possessed at first.  But a purification ritual did nothing to stop his power.  So they had tried punishing him whenever it happened.  When they beat him, it would only get worse as his fear and pain escalated.  So finally… finally… they put him in the car, drove to the city, and left him.  That first night… he remembered wanting his parents back.  Even though they had hurt him.  Even though they didn't seem to love him.  He was alone and afraid and in a strange place.

He probably would have died had he not been as intelligent as he was.  He watched the other street people.  Saw how they got food and where they slept.  He watched and learned and so, survived.

When he was in Rosenkreuz, he had also watched and learned and survived.  They had told him he wasn't cursed, he was 'gifted'.  Some gift.  They had fed his lingering pain and anger toward his parents till it was anger for all.  They manipulated him till he wanted revenge on society as a whole.  They were very good at manipulating.  But some part of him realized what they were doing.  Again, if he hadn't been so smart he probably would have missed it, brought in as young as he was.  So while most of him seemed to accept their doctrine and recite their rhetoric, a small voice inside still cried out for freedom.

Then he was a part of Schwarz.  They also had small voices that wanted to be free.  It seemed to be a good goal.  He would work with them, and one day… one day they would be free.  And then he could pursue what HE wanted.  For the first time in his entire life he could be free to have his own wants.

But now… he didn't have the experience to even know what to want.

**_~But all in vain they will fade away ~_**

He wondered a bit what would happen if he just kept walking.  Would Crawford or Schuldich come after him then?  If he just kept walking like that anime character… what was his name… Kenshin?  Or that other one that just disappeared in the series, Soujirou.  Would he be like that… just walk away and disappear?  It annoyed him that they had done that.  He had LIKED Soujirou.  And they just kind of dropped him off.  He just faded away.

Maybe HE was the one fading away.  Maybe what was happening wasn't so much Crawford's fault as a leader.  Maybe he himself was the one in limbo, the one floundering without a purpose.  Schuldich had mentioned things like actually going to high school and college and getting a 'useful' education.  He had never really attended school, except for those couple years in Rosenkreuz.  He had only dressed in a school uniform because Crawford said it would attract less attention given his age.  He had never really liked it.  If they were going go make him wear the thing why couldn't it at least have been black?  Black was so much nicer than gray.  He didn't like gray.  He supposed he could go to school.  But why bother?  He was far beyond what they could teach him.  Social contacts?  He wasn't interested.

But if he just kept walking… one foot, then the other… how far could he go?  How long did one have to walk before they faded away?

**_~There's only you to answer you, forever ~_**

He was getting cold.  Baka.  He should have thought ahead and brought a coat.  He wasn't sure how late it was.  Or early.  He supposed HE could always call them.  But what if they didn't answer?  Or worse yet, what if they told him they didn't WANT him to come back?  It was better not knowing.  He wandered down another quiet street.  He was in a part of the city he had never been in before.  It looked like most of the rest of Tokyo though.  Buildings crammed together, people on top of people, narrow streets and narrower alleys.

He hadn't seen another soul since he had left that temple.  No, even before then.  There was a stillness to the streets.  Almost as if he was the only one here.  He snorted.  Alone again.  Would he always be alone?  He was tired.  Tired of everything.

He could see dawn approaching.  There appeared to be a park ahead.  Maybe he would go down and watch the sun rise.

**_~In blinded mind you are singing / A glorious hallelujah ~_**

It was beautiful.  The dawn.  He rarely ever got to see it.  They were usually out so late on 'jobs' that by the time dawn came around he'd only been in bed a couple hours.  And he didn't think he had ever watched the sun come up from outside since he'd been on the streets.  His mind wandered back to the time when he'd been a very young child, before the powers came, before his parents feared and hated him.  Back when his mother would hold him in her lap and tell him stories about Amateratsu, the goddess of the sun, and Susano, and the kitsune.  The legends that formed Japan.  Odd that he couldn't remember his mother's face, but he could remember the stories.

He realized he couldn't remember either of his parent's faces, or any of his family for that matter.  He knew that one of his grandmothers had lived with them, but he couldn't picture her.  All he could remember, were the backs of his parents' heads as they left him.

But the sun was beautiful.  He sat on a bench, exhausted.  He wasn't sure that he COULD get himself home at this point.  The trains would be running again soon, and the buses probably already were.  But he was too tired.  Too tired to drag himself to his feet.

He would just rest here for a while.  And watch the sun.

**_~The distant flutter of angels / They're all too far, too far to reach for you ~_**

Even with the sun's warmth shining on him, he felt chilled.  Now that he wasn't moving, he was aware of how cool it had become during the night.  He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.  That helped a bit.  When his arms got cold he could tuck them in between his legs and his body.  He idly watched the seabirds floating on the breeze.

What must it be like to fly?  To be that free.  To not be bound to this earth with its pain and sorrow and hardship.  To fly away…  Like those angels Farf was always ranting about.  To shut him up one day, Schuldich had turned to the scarred man and reminded him that the devil was merely a fallen angel… that had sent Farf into a total fit.  They had to sedate him finally.  Crawford yelled at Schuldich for a good half hour over that one.

Angels… weren't they supposed to watch over people?  He supposed he must not be worthy of that honor.  There certainly wasn't any angel watching over him.  But it must be comforting for those who believed.  He had just fallen too far for that.  

He could hear soft footsteps in the distance.  Someone was up at this insane hour jogging.  Ah… sweet normalcy.

**_~I am here alone again / In my sweet serenity ~_**

He held his chilled hands to his chest.  He was cold and tired and hungry.  He didn't know what to do.  Should he go back?  Should he wait to see if they came for him?  What if they didn't?  He didn't even know where he was.  It was quiet here.  Except for the approaching jogger.  Quiet.  Calm.  He liked that.  The apartment had been so chaotic.  He stared out over the water.  

He wrapped that quiet and calmness around his soul, creating a buffer against the outside world.  He let his head fall to his knees.  He was sleepy.  Maybe he could nap for a bit, and then maybe the aching of his muscles would ease as well.  He didn't think he had ever walked so far in his life.  He must have walked several miles.  It was hard to tell.  But he couldn't move at the moment.  Just himself and the birds and that jogger that was nearly upon him.

**_~Hoping you will ever find me in any place ~_**

He heard footsteps get closer and pass… then slow and stop.  A few quiet steps, as if the person was looking at something, coming back towards him.  

"Anou… are you okay?"

The voice was higher pitched, young, but definitely male.  He peeked up through his bangs.  The jogger was standing in front of him.  He couldn't see them clearly; the sun was directly behind them.  He squinted, but all he could see was a pair of bright blue eyes.  "Are you okay?  Do you need help?"  They asked again.  He just shrugged and lay his head back down.  Looking into the sun like that was giving him a headache.

He heard movement and then the bench creaked as the young man sat next to him.  "I like coming here myself.  It's quiet in the mornings, gives me time to think."

He found himself speaking before he had even thought about it.  "But what if you've already had too much time to think?"

"Hmm… well that's when I run.  I keep my mind busy counting breaths or rail posts or something boring like that.  Hey… you look pretty cold."

Suddenly a warm sweatshirt was dropped over his shoulders.  He jumped, but then pulled it around him gratefully.  "Thanks."

"Don't mention it; I was a little too warm anyways.  You been here all night?"  

He shook his head, and then shrugged.  "I was walking."

"All night?!"

"Yeah."

"By the way, my name's Omi."

"Nagi."

"Nice to meet you, Nagi-kun.  Can I help you at all?  Do you need to call someone, or can I give you a ride?"

He sighed.  "I have my phone.  They haven't tried to call me.  I don't know if they want me back or not."  He looked over at the young man and blinked.  It was Bombay!  He could see the other's expression as Omi recognized him as well.  They just sat and stared at each other for a moment.  "So do we fight now?"  He sounded tired and depressed even to himself.

The blond just shook his head.  "I don't really want to.  Seems like you're having a hard enough time.  I don't think I need to make it worse."

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for a bit, watching the birds and the water.  After a while, Omi stood and offered a hand to him.  "Hey, you hungry?  Wanna go get some breakfast?  I know a good bakery right around the corner."

Nagi blinked.  He looked at the hand, and then the young man's face.  His legs were very stiff and didn't want to straighten, so he accepted the help offered.  Omi smiled and pulled the sweatshirt tighter around him.  "Come on, you'll loosen up if you walk."  The blond led the way out of the park.  Nagi wasn't sure why he was following him, but… 

**_~I will call it solitude when all my songs fade in vain / In my voice, far away to eternity ~_**

My muse, the normal one… not the psycho, was in the mood to write last night.  I got probably half of this done in one sitting.  Not quite sure where it came from, except that I've been writing Schu so much lately and I really wanted to work with Nagi again.  BTW… the 'entertainment' district Nagi walks through is based on my impressions of Shibuya, an area in Tokyo, I was there one evening.  Lights, noise, people everywhere… crazy.  Oh, and if you didn't guess, a keitai is a cell phone… living here I find Japanese names for things creeping into my speech.  I realized I typed 'keitai' without even thinking about it.  I'm still holding out though, I don't have one yet.

Now for a short message…

"We are gathered here today to mourn the death of the mature fiction that was once hosted on this sight.  It is sad to see such a thing happen, as now many good authors will no longer bless us with their work.  Also many stories will be mis-rated, so that they can still be put up.  This is a sad thing, as now the complaints will shift to the R rated fics.  How long before they too, follow NC-17 into the dead fic realm?  All this, because some parents do not monitor their children and regard the internet as their babysitter.  It is a sad day… join me in a moment of silence for the demise of some truly wonderful stories…"


	2. Aura

Aura

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  And if they redesigned Brad, would he wear something that wouldn't show blood stains quite so easily?  Not to mention the fact that white suits don't exactly lend themselves to sneaking around, you'd think assassins would have better sense…  Oh, and this song is also from hack//sign… yes we are starting to have a theme, the song is called Aura and is sung by Emily Bindiger, I'm gonna guess it's the same composer even though I'm not sure.

Warnings: again, not much, this series is more internal than external

**_~If you are near to the dark ~_**

He heard the door shut forcefully behind Nagi.  The young man didn't quite slam it, but it was close.  He sighed and removed his glasses to rub at eyes that ached from weariness and stress.  His headache was coming back again.  He got up to rummage through the kitchen cabinet for the aspirin.  He really should just keep some in his office.  

He wished there was something he could do or say to Nagi.  But their survival was requiring all his attention.  Esset was circling like sharks after chum.  It was taking a considerable amount of bluff on his part to keep them off their backs, just a little longer.  The body was twitching, but without the head to direct it, soon it would collapse.  He just had to keep them alive till then.

But that didn't comfort him as he watched the boy go off into the darkness.

**_~I will tell you 'bout the sun ~_**

He wandered back into his office and sat down at the mahogany desk, but he didn't touch either the files or the keyboard.  He wanted to be able to help the boy, he really did.  But Nagi was growing up.  He wasn't a child anymore, if he ever had been.  He had to admit, there were times when their youngest member seemed older than any of them.  He wanted to tell the kid that everything would work out in the end.  But the young man was at an age when he was beyond listening to anyone.  

And he couldn't be sure that any of them would be okay.  

**_~You are here, no escape / from my visions of the world ~_**

He could feel a rippling along his senses.  Something was calling for his attention.  He could chose to ignore it… the siren's song of his precognitive ability, could ignore it and then the vision would pass by unseen.  Or he could give into to his power.  It was this ability to control his visions that had made him as respected and feared as he had been.  

In reality, his talent wasn't THAT rare.  To some extent, most people had a touch of gift.  It was what kept people from boarding a doomed plane, or deciding to have one more cup of coffee and therefore avoid a fatal train wreck.  It was responsible for the feeling of déjà vu… that 'oh, I've done this/had this conversation/seen this before' feeling.  The stronger ones… the oracles… in general were unable to really control that gift.  They could focus it, through touch, meditation, by using a medium like cards or runes.  But they usually couldn't resist the sight.

He could.  The ability to control whether he submitted to the vision or not set him apart from any other precog under Esset's control.  And yet… knowing the future and being able to change it were two different things.

He felt the ripple again… sitting back, he released his conscious control, and let the vision wash over him.

**_~You will cry all alone / but it does not mean a thing to me ~_**

He blinked as the vision faded, and sighed again.  He had seen Nagi, sitting alone on a bench in some park, shivering.  He felt oddly responsible for the boy.  After all, he had been the one who had brought the child; young, frail, practically starving, to Esset.  At the time, he hadn't even regarded the boy as anything other than a mission to be completed.  He didn't care that the kid was frightened.  He had located the boy in one of the worst sections of Tokyo.  He remembered that all he wanted at the time was to find the cause of his trouble and get away from there.  He wanted a bath and then the first flight out.  When he'd locked eyes on that tiny slip of a boy, he'd been annoyed.  Annoyed that THIS was why he'd been sent half-way around the world and forced to walk through God knew what on these streets.  He just informed the brat that he was to come with him and took his arm and half-dragged the kid back to his hotel.

He watched the boy cry on the plane that night, confused, overtired and stressed beyond the limits of his young endurance.  He had watched, and done nothing.

Could that be why Nagi didn't come to him now?

**_~Knowing the song I will sing / till the darkness comes to sleep ~_**

He had done the best he could.  When he was given the option of selecting his own team, he had chosen Nagi without hesitation.  It might seem to the boy that he had only brought him to Esset for his own purposes, to be a tool.  But that wasn't so.  There were no shortage of telekinetics, none as powerful as Nagi of course, but he could have left the boy there.  He could have taken someone else and waited for the child to finish his training.  But he didn't.  He wanted to get Nagi out of that place.  It had required a certain amount of fast-talking on his part, to get the boy.  The young telekinetic had been in Rosenkreuz for only a couple of years, by all rights he should have remained for another four years at least.  But he had been able to convince them that Nagi was essential for Schwarz, that he had seen it in a vision.  Given that his visions had proven highly credible, they took him at his word, and finally allowed him to have the young telekinetic for his team.

His other choices were also seemingly dictated by his visions.  Schuldich was another automatic choice.  Not only was the redhead one of the strongest telepaths Esset had ever had, but he was also an excellent marksman and a vicious fighter.  What had started as a decent working relationship, was quickly becoming something else.  He wasn't entirely sure that he should allow that to happen.  Sex for stress relief was one thing.  Sex with emotional attachments… that could get dangerous.  They weren't in the clear yet, and he didn't think the additional distraction of emotions was worth the risk at this point.  But try telling THAT to the German… it was like talking to a wall.  A very annoying wall at that.

Farfarello HAD been chosen because of a vision.  There was no way he would have saddled himself with the man otherwise.  When he was sane, the Irishman was actually a fairly decent companion.  He was an interesting conversationalist, with knowledge in a vast array of topics.  When he wasn't sane… there was a reason they always had a padded room in every place they had stayed at for any length of time.  But the pale man himself seemed to be stabilizing.  Whether it was the right combination of medication or the lack of Esset's medical 'services', they couldn't tell.  But Farf seemed to be spending less time in a straight jacket and more time as a human being.  Until this week that is.  

He checked his calendar.  Was it possibly a full moon?  Because everything just suddenly went downhill.  Like a wave of darkness just washed over them and undid everything they had fought for, the peace they had achieved for themselves.  All of a sudden, their lives had just collapsed into chaos.

**_~Come to me, I will tell / 'bout the secret of the sun ~_**

He finally gave up any pretense of working.  He had to think.  There was a solution here, he just had to find it.  But he was so tired, he felt old.  For the first time, he felt old.  Not yet thirty and he was an old man, he chuckled a bit.  He was in better shape physically then most kids a decade younger than him.

/If you think too much your headache will only get worse./

/I'll thank you to NOT bother me while I'm working./

/You're not working, you're worrying.  That's not going to help anyone, least of all you./  The redhead walked into the office with a cup of coffee.  "Here.  This should help you with your headache."

He accepted the drink and sipped it gratefully.  "Thank you."

The German shrugged his welcome and leaned against the desk.  "So, boss… what's bothering you?"

He snorted.  "Do you want an itemized list?"

"No, just the short version will do."

He sighed, Schuldich was going to be persistent tonight.  "Besides Esset breathing down our necks?  I'm sure you heard Nagi leave."  
  


The redhead tsked.  "Who didn't?  What's his problem lately?"

"In addition to being a teenager?"

"You have a point.  Well… stop worrying about it… you'll get wrinkles."  Schuldich waved over his shoulder as he left.

Wrinkles?  He stood and walked over to the small mirror hanging on the wall.  He didn't have any wrinkles, did he?

**_~It's in you, not in me ~_**

Schuldich did have a point.  There wasn't much he could do by worrying about it.  They would counter Esset if and when they came.  And Nagi… Nagi.  The young man seemed to be quite troubled.  Nearly everyone went through a period where they questioned themselves, their life, what they wanted for the future.  That seemed the core of the young telekinetic's problems.  But unlike most, Nagi simply didn't have the 'normal' life experiences to help him work through these problems.

Because of his younger age and somewhat reclusive nature, he had always been a loner, even to the other members of Schwarz.  They hadn't been able to send him to school, his lack of official identification and the difficulty of regular attendance were the reasons they gave.  Nagi had seemed just as content to study on his own anyways.  Esset had made sure the academic standards of Rosenkreuz were adhered to, even if the boy wasn't there.  But now, he questioned whether keeping Nagi out of school had been a good choice.  The young man truly had no friends his age.  He didn't even have acquaintances.  He was isolated with no one to talk to.

He hoped the boy could find the answers within himself.  It didn't look like he would be able to help at all.

**_~but it does not mean a thing to you ~_**

He knew Nagi thought they didn't care.  Initially, that was true.  He was useful, that was the only reason he was in Schwarz.  He was useful, and he was quiet, and did as he was told.  At first, Schuldich was only interested in the kid because he could mess with his mind.  The redhead had seemed to enjoy taunting the child, to the point where Nagi finally exploded.  The German had spent a week in the hospital for that one.  In the process the boy had gained a bit of grudging respect.  Schu had admitted to him that he actually liked the brat now.  He might not be overly demonstrative, but he was concerned for the kid as well.

Farfarello had never disguised the fact that he liked the boy, when he was sane.  When he was insane, he also liked the boy, in a way that was disturbingly scary.  He seemed to eye the child as if contemplating how the fragile form would look covered in his own blood.  They were careful to keep an eye on the Irishman when he got like that, afraid he might forget that Nagi was a teammate and not a victim.  But when he was sane, they were often together, Farf reading and the young man working away at his computer.  The boy might well regard their pale teammate as the only one who cared for him.  It was a little worrisome.  Schuldich had expressed concern that Nagi might forget how dangerous Farf could be.  He had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind as well.

And yet… he didn't think that either Schuldich or himself had ever once told Nagi how much they actually cared for him.

**_~The sun is in your eyes / The sun is in your ears ~_**

He glanced over at the clock and had to look again.  It was far later than Nagi had ever been out before.  He trusted his gift to let him know if anything bad was going to happen to the boy.  But that didn't make it any easier to just sit there and do nothing, knowing that he was out there.  Alone.  Walking around in one of the largest cities in the world.  By now the trains had stopped running, unless he was close, he wouldn't be coming back till morning.  Well, technically it was morning, but…  He didn't like it when one of them was out like this.  He was always a little afraid that it would be the one time that his gift wouldn't warn him.  He was doubly concerned when it was their youngest one.  

Nagi was the only one of them that had a chance at a normal life.  A chance to live in the light.  But to do that, he had to WANT it.  He was the only one that could make that decision.  They could make suggestions and drop hints, but in the end, it was the boy's choice, if he wanted to step out under the sun.

**_~I hope you see the sun / someday in the darkness ~_**

He shut down the computer and stacked the files for attention when he got up.  He stretched and looked out the window.  Dawn was only a couple hours away.  He thought in his vision that Nagi had been facing the sunrise.  If so… 

There was nothing more he could do for now.  The best thing would be for him to get a few hours sleep.  Then, if Nagi didn't come back by midmorning, he would go out and look for him.  He could only hope that the young man would return on his own, safe and sound.  And maybe… maybe he would have found some of the answers he sought.

**_~The sun is in your eyes / The sun is in your ears ~_**

He settled into bed, willing his tired mind to sleep, wrapping his arms around Schuldich's warm body. He lay there, staring into the darkness, listening to their breaths.  They were so close, all of them, to their freedom.  Esset was dying, and with it their chains.  He was just drifting off when the second vision came.  Nagi was still on the bench, but now he was talking with someone.  He could see them from the back, the rising sun in front of them.  He couldn't tell who the other person was.  But he watched as the other person rose and then offered a hand to the young brunette.  

He fell asleep feeling comforted a bit.  It appears as if Nagi would make a friend.  

**_~But you can't see the sun / ever in the darkness ~_**

Several hours later, he was back in his office.  He heard the door open and shut quietly, then the sound of the German welcoming Nagi home.  He stood and went out to check on the boy.  The too-slender brunette looked utterly exhausted.  There were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed pale.  But there was a difference to him.  The young man was also wearing a strange sweatshirt.  He didn't remember the boy leaving with a coat of any kind, he must have gotten it from his new friend.

"Get some sleep.  We will talk later."

The boy looked up at him.  "Aa."  He shuffled slowly past and disappeared into his room.  The redhead was already muttering.

"What?"

" 'Get some sleep.'?  Can't you be a LITTLE more welcoming?"

"Do you think he would remember it?  He's dead on his feet.  Let him sleep, then we can talk."  The German walked away, complaining mentally about his lack of feeling.  He decided to ignore the man, for now.  He walked back into his office.  Everyone was home, now he could concentrate on those damn files.

**_~It does not much matter to me ~_**

Hmmmm… I don't like this one as well.  But I don't write Brad's POV that often, he just not one of my favorite characters.


	3. Key of Twilight

Key of Twilight

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  I think if Schu was redesigned, he should have a long black leather trench.  It would look so cool on him.  I'd just be afraid they'd cut his hair… like they did to poor Yotan… -_-;  Anyway, song is from hack//SIGN and called, Key of the Twilight.  The composer is Yuki Kajiura.

Warnings: mild language warning, it IS Schu after all

**_~Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile ~_**

Standing on the balcony, he still heard the door shut after the kid.  He sighed.  The poor brat was so messed up.  He watched the boy exit the building and stalk off down the street.  The young man kept looking back over his shoulder as if afraid they would be coming after him.  

He had considered it.  He sat down on one of the chairs and stared out at the darkening city.  He had considered running out after the kid, demanding to know what the fuck was up with him lately and if he didn't talk then 'rummaging' around for the information.  But Braddy had warned him.  If he had tried it… Nagi would just leave.  And in leaving, he'd end up walking into one of Esset's traps.  And he would be killed.

That really sucked.  So now he wasn't being able to do anything.  But sit here, in the twilight, and hope the boy would be okay.

**_~Tell me of a story never ever told in the past ~_**

It was tough being the youngest.  Look at that kid in Weiss… Bombay.  He got stuck with all the hard work, AND working at that flower shop, AND going to school.  At least Nagi didn't have to deal with that crap.  They made sure the boy had a roof over his head and food on the table.  They didn't wake him up early after a late night.  He DID get stuck with a lion's share of the paper and computer work, but that was because no one was better than him on the computer and Brad couldn't do all the paperwork on his own.  Farf… when he was sane could handle it, but as for himself.  He was too hyper for that.  About 20 minutes and he couldn't sit there any more.

He wished Nagi knew how good he actually had it.  Yeah, they might not be the most nurturing of families… but at least he had one.  If the kid really wanted to argue the point, he could always tell the brat about his own dysfunctional upbringing.  Heck, Braddy didn't even know the whole story there.

**_~Take me back to the land / Where my yearnings were born ~_**

At least Nagi could be at home in the country of his birth.  He didn't feel like he could ever return to Germany.  Not to live.  There were too many bad memories wrapped up in that land.  Whoever the bastard was who fathered him, the coward had run out on his mother before he was even born.  To this day he wondered why she had kept him.  She hadn't wanted him, she made that abundantly clear.  He was a convenient punching bag when she was angry… or for any of the string of boyfriends she brought through their dingy apartment.  He thought he was about seven the first time one of THEM decided to use him.  He didn't really remember what happened, a case of his mind protecting itself.  But the trauma was enough to jumpstart his powers.

It wasn't long after that his mother sold him to a pimp she knew for a couple weeks worth of drugs.  He was sold and resold and pimped out for years, till he was finally 'purchased' by Esset.

**_~The key to open the door is in your hand / Now fly me there ~_**

They had shown him whole new ways to get back at the world.  But they didn't give him freedom.  Brad was the first to whisper that thought into his ear.  They had talked about it on the way to Japan, in the comfortable seats of one of Esset's private jets. Farfarello was sedated for the journey.  Nagi, whom he regarded at the time as little more than a brat to play with, was sleeping as far away from the rest of them as he could get.  And Brad… the man hinted about breaking their bonds.

He was the one who had shown them the door… together they had created the key to open it.  And now… now they were free.

**_~Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind ~_**

It was getting chilly out on the balcony.  He hoped Nagi came back soon, or found somewhere warm to be.  The boy didn't take his coat, again.  Since the kid wasn't there to do it, he went to check on their resident psycho.  Farf had been getting better.  He wondered what had happened this week, unless the man was picking up on all the tension and stress.  It was possible.  They weren't really sure what the Irishman's powers really were, but he seemed to be sensitive to what went on around him.  Which made his behavior just after they came out of Rosenkreuz understandable, the anger and pain in that place was enough to drive anyone insane.

He peeked in the barred window at the restrained man.  Farf seemed to be calmer tonight.  Or someone had already given him his meds.  He really tried not to peek into Farfarello's head too often.  It gave him a headache.  He LOVED chaos… when he created it.  But what went on inside Farf's head… that was a migraine waiting to happen.  Since he didn't care to spend a day moaning in bed and unable to think through the pain, he stayed out of the Irishman's thoughts.  

**_~Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth ~_**

It intrigued him, the strange connection between their younger teammates.  Farf was decent enough when he had it together, but Nagi actually seemed to regard the guy as a friend.  It baffled him.  He thought it was a recipe for destruction there.  If Farf ever flipped out at attacked Nagi… either the boy wouldn't defend himself, and be dead.  Or he would defend himself and the Irishman could wind up dead.  Ever since that psychic explosion had destroyed Masafumi's mansion… they tended to step very lightly around Nagi when he was pissed.  

He had to hand it to the kid; he didn't think the boy had it in him.  That was one Hell of a blast.  Too bad Weiss got away.  But he really thought they had lost Nagi that time.  The young man had suddenly shown up about three days later, weaker than a newborn kitten, bruised up one side and down the other, his clothes in tatters; but alive.  

Come to think of it… that was when the kid started changing.  Brad blamed it on him growing up.  But he wasn't so sure.

**_~Consolations, be there / In my dreamland to come ~_**

Speaking of Brad… the man was brooding.  He sighed and checking Farf in his cell one more time, headed for the kitchen.  The precog was suffering from a headache again, he was sure of it.  Between Brad's stress-headaches, Nagi's occasional migraines, and his own telepathy induced agonies… they should have taken out stock in the aspirin company.  What they all really needed was a vacation.

He poured a cup of coffee.  Of course the man took it black-no sugar.  He really wondered if the universe would come to an end if Brad unwound a little.  /If you think too much your headache will only get worse./

/I'll thank you to NOT bother me while I'm working./

He smirked and headed for Braddy's office.  /You're not working, you're worrying.  That's not going to help anyone; least of all you./  He opened the door and walked right in.  "Here.  This should help you with your headache."

The man accepted the cup and sipped it.  "Thank you."

He wondered if Brad would actually volunteer anything tonight.  Despite how it might appear, they really did get along fairly well.  He would like to move BEYOND fairly well, but the American was resisting.  He would have to work on him some more.  He sat against the edge of the desk.  "So, boss… what's bothering you?"

**_~The key to open the door is in your hand / Now take me there ~_**

He knew of course, but it would help Braddy-boy to talk about it.  "Do you want an itemized list?"

He almost laughed… almost.  "No, just the short version will do."

Brad sighed and set the cup down on the desk.  "Besides Esset breathing down our necks?  I'm sure you heard Nagi leave."

He tsked and rolled his eyes.  "Who didn't?  What's his problem lately?"

"In addition to being a teenager?"

"You have a point.  Well… stop worrying about it… you'll get wrinkles."  He laughed mentally at that one.  Just what Brad needed, a bit of distraction.  He left, but waited outside the door.  Sure enough he heard movement.  He bet Brad was checking himself out in the mirror.  Not that he really had any wrinkles.  Well… just a couple, but the guy was getting closer to 30.  Heck, he probably had a couple, from dealing with this crew more than anything else.  

Maybe Nagi's problem WAS just because he was a teenager.  They were really trying to give him all the options none of them had ever had.  It could be that he wasn't quite ready to take advantage of those options yet.

**_~I believe in fantasies invisible to me / In the land of misery I'm searchin' for the sign ~_**

HE certainly never had the opportunities the boy was faced with.  After spending six years in Rosenhell, his life choices were severely limited.  Even coming with Brad to Japan, they had still been slaves.  Now, they might actually get free, but what was he going to do?  He didn't really have much in the way of an education, beyond your standard high school studies.  Anything else he knew, mainly related to weapons and fighting, not exactly marketable skills.  It was a good thing he liked Brad, and the American liked him, cause he was basically stuck with the man for life.  He wasn't exactly a good candidate to go back to school, he couldn't wait to get out of it the first time.  And he certainly wasn't a salaryman.  He'd explode in no time.  Besides, they had been living pretty well for several years now.  He LIKED his comfortable lifestyle.

There was no way he was going back to the misery of poverty.  He'd lived enough of that for this lifetime.  Here, with Schwarz, he had pretty much everything he wanted.  He didn't want to look for more.  But Nagi, the boy should be allowed the choice.

**_~To the door of mystery and dignity / I'm wandering down, and searchin' down the secret sun ~_**

He wondered if Brad would want company tonight.  They tried to keep their… affair… low key, uncertain how it would be received by the other two.  Especially with Nagi so… not himself lately.  Out of respect he didn't try to read Brad at those times when his naturally heavy shields were… thinner.  But sometimes he wondered.  He wondered WHAT the man really thought about him.  About them being together.  About them STAYING together.  But it was so hard to tell.  The man's mind was locked up like a fortress.

He wandered back to his room.  He had a feeling Brad's mind was on things other than their mutual pleasure.  He sighed.  He had to find a way to get the man past the idea it was just sex.  It would be nice to just sleep with someone.  He would NEVER admit it out loud, but he liked to cuddle.  

He lay down on his cold, and he had to admit, lonely bed.  If Brad wanted him, he would knock once on the door as he passed.  It was then HIS choice whether to go join the American or not.  Not that he had ever refused.  And given how he thought he felt about Brad, he doubted he ever would.

**_~Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile / Tell me of a story never ever told in the past ~_**

He was shocked when a light tap came to the door.  He scrambled up, tossing bedcovers aside.  The hallway was dark but Brad had left his door cracked open as he always did at these times.  Pushing it open, he could see the American standing at the window, already bare to the waist.  He really didn't seem to be in the mood for their usual activities, so what did he want?

"Brad?"

"Do you think he's okay?"

"Nagi?"

"Yes."

"Wouldn't your gift tell you?"

"I'm always afraid this is the time when it won't."

"If you start to doubt your powers, you are going to defeat yourself."

"I know… but…"

It took only a few steps to cross the room, he hugged Brad from behind.  The man stiffened at first, then relaxed, accepting the comfort for what it was.  "Come on, you're tired.  I'm tired.  We're getting nowhere with this line of thinking."

"I decided if he wasn't home by midmorning…"

"Then we'll go.  For now… let's go to bed."

**_~Take me back to the land / Where my yearnings were born ~_**

He let the man hold him like he wanted.  It was nice just to lay there and enjoy being close to someone.  He listened as Brad's breath evened out and he finally fell asleep.  It wasn't like him to doubt his powers like that.  Confidence is what made their gifts so strong.  Once you started to doubt your talents, that's when you started to have problems with them.  He could only attribute it to Brad's overtired state.

He wondered if the dreams would come tonight.  With the American there to ward them off… maybe tonight he could sleep peacefully.

**_~The key to open the door is in your hand ~_**

It wasn't nearly late enough when he felt the first nudges.  "Another hour… please."

"I'm getting up, you don't have to."

He felt the man climb over him and then head for the bathroom.  It was entirely too early to even think about moving.  The sound of the shower lulled him back to sleep.  He was aware when Brad came back in and got dressed, but he didn't really wake enough to do anything.  Then it was quiet.  Nice and quiet.  No Brad bitching… no Farf ranting… no Nagi… Nagi… shit.

He sat up and did a quick 'head count'.  Nagi still wasn't back yet.  He sighed, and gave up.  There was no way he was going to be able to sleep anymore this morning.  He showered quickly and headed back to his room for some clean clothes.  He could already smell the coffee brewing, thank goodness.  This morning might be bearable after all.

Brad was already in his office, pretending to work but really just staring at the paper.  Every so often he would look at the clock.  Wonderful.

In the kitchen he found the promised coffee.  Fixing himself a cup, with a little extra sugar he needed it this morning, he started to pull out the makings of breakfast.  He sensed the presence outside the door before he heard the latch click.  He walked to the door way and watched as Nagi came in.

"Well… look what the cat dragged in.  You okay, chibi?"  He thought Nagi looked like Hell actually, pale, almost haggard, and no doubt cold.  Somewhere along the way he had picked up a sweatshirt, it was pulled snuggly around his slender frame.

"I'm okay."

He really didn't believe him, but Nagi never had been one to admit when something was wrong.  Brad walked into the hall as well.  He hoped the man would finally say something to the kid.

"Get some sleep.  We will talk later."

He rolled his eyes.  Typical.

"Aa."  Nagi shuffled off down the hallway toward his room.

'I can't believe you, perfect chance and you blew it…'  He knew he was complaining just loud enough for Brad to hear.

"What?"

" 'Get some sleep.'?  Can't you be a LITTLE more welcoming?"  He couldn't believe Brad didn't take the chance to say something positive to the kid.  Like, 'I'm glad you're home'… 'I'm happy you're back'… 

"Do you think he would remember it?  He's dead on his feet.  Let him sleep, then we can talk."  

Grrrr… he headed back into the kitchen, complaining mentally the whole way.  Brad's shields snapped up fast enough that he swore he could hear them.  Good, maybe that will get him thinking.  But at least… Nagi's home.

**_~Now take me there / to the land of twilight ~_**

This is the first time I've tried to do something like this.  Show the same night from everyone's individual POV.  Kind of an interesting challenge actually.


	4. Random Thinking

Random Thinking

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  You know… Farf's outfit isn't too bad, makes him look majorly anorexic.  But I like my design for him better, combat boots, green camo-type pants and a ripped black tee shirt with a red anarchist symbol on it, cause you know, NO ONE is more anarchistic than Farfie!  Song's from hack//SIGN of course, called Obsession; apparently it is the opening song and is by SeeSaw.

Warnings: Farf POV… that means a bit of ranting about how much he hates God, etc, etc… this isn't intended to offend anyone.  Please keep in mind that Farf is insane and his thoughts on the matter do NOT reflect the management's!

**_~Deep in the night / Far off the light / Missing my headache ~_**

Even locked up in his room, he could hear the front door close.  Nagi had left again.  He sighed and shifted position.  He didn't feel pain, but he could feel stiffness.  He didn't like that.  If he was stiff, he couldn't move as fast.  Sometimes speed was very important.

What was he thinking about again?  Oh yeah, Nagi.  The poor little lamb.  He didn't seem happy lately.  Even yesterday when he had come in to read to him.  The boy came in a lot when he was restrained.  The kid would talk to him, read to him, tell him about the stuff he had watched on TV.  It made him feel normal, like he was a person and not some type of caged beast.  Nagi had never treated him like that.  Everyone else had.  That's why he liked the boy.

But Nagi wouldn't be coming tonight.  He left.  Going out to walk in the dark.  He envied the boy that freedom.  To be able to freely walk out the door without an escort.  But then again, the kid was upset.  If he wasn't upset he wouldn't have left.  He would have come in here to read or talk to him.  

He missed the boy, his little lost boy.

**_~Visions of light / Sweeter delight / Kissin' my loveache ~_**

He knew the others were worried.  They thought he would hurt Nagi.  Sometimes he was afraid he would hurt Nagi too.  Cause it would be easy.  The kid was so fragile without his powers.  Pale… thin… with lovely eyes the color of a midnight sky… and soft, fine hair, so dark… He was beautiful… He would be beautiful laid out on the white tiled floor… his blood bright red against the tile and pale skin…

No.

He wouldn't do that.  Not to the boy.  Cause that would kill him.  And he would miss Nagi if he was dead.  Besides, God would probably love to have Nagi back.  He wouldn't give the boy back to God.  He'd keep him here, where Nagi could help hurt God.

Where was Nagi?  Oh, that's right, he left.  He wondered why Nagi left.  The boy seemed to get upset so easily these days.  Schu said he was going through a phase.  What did he mean, going through a phase?  He wished his mind would clear so he could think.  He knew there were times when he could think, and then there were times when he just didn't think, then there were times like now, where he was in between.

He had been spending more time thinking lately.  But this week it just seemed harder to think.  He was good and took those nasty tasting pills everyday.  Cause he liked to be able to think.  Nagi liked it when he could think.  Did he forget to take them?  No, someone would have told him if he had.  They were very nice to him.  They gave him the medicine that helped him think.  They made sure he wouldn't hurt Nagi when he couldn't think.  And they even let him kill people sometimes.  

He tried to figure out why he couldn't think this week.  But it was hard to think clearly now.  He would just have to wait till he could think again.  Then he could figure this out.

**_~How come I must know / Where obsession needs to go? ~_**

He started to hum to himself.  Sometimes he would feel like singing.  Schu said he had a good voice, and Crawford never complained.  As long as he didn't do it on a mission.  The boss really complained about that.  Nagi never said anything, but he wouldn't leave if he started to sing.  He knew God like pretty things, and music was pretty, but he figured it would make God cry if HE was the one singing.  So he would sing.

But not tonight.

Cause Nagi wasn't there.  He wondered where Nagi went when he left like this.  He asked one time.  Nagi just said around.  Around where?  It was going to get cold.  The boy got chilled easily.  He hoped he took a coat.  But he probably didn't.  So he might get sick.  If Nagi got sick he hoped he was able to think again, cause he wanted to take care of the boy the way he took care of him.

It was nice when he could take care of someone else.  When he could think.  Then sometimes he could cook dinner.  Or do something nice like that.  He remembered last time; he made Nagi a cup of hot chocolate when he was up late studying for a test.  Nagi really liked that.  He even said so.  He noticed that the boy didn't usually tell them how he felt.  Sometimes he could tell, like when the kid got those really nasty headaches.  The kind that made him see lights and get sick.  Then he would lie in bed all day and sometimes he would even moan.  

Nagi called them migraines.

When the boy had those headaches, he didn't come to visit him.  He had to go visit the boy.  But that was okay.  Cause then he would sit and talk to Nagi and Nagi would listen.  Or he would sleep.  But that was okay too, cause then he could still talk and he didn't have to worry that he would bore the boy.  

He wanted Nagi to come home.  He didn't want the boy sick.  But where did he go anyways?  He should ask again.

**_~ How come I must know / Where the passion hides its feelings? ~_**

He wished Nagi would let him know what was happening.  He normally didn't worry about the others.  He had enough to think about just trying to keep his own thoughts together.  But Nagi wasn't talking to them.  He knew that, because Schu had asked him if Nagi had told him what was wrong.  That wasn't good.  Schu liked Nagi too, he wanted to help.

They all wanted to help, Nagi.  But maybe Nagi didn't know they wanted to help him.  Maybe he should tell Nagi.

The boy liked to hide his feelings.  He couldn't really understand that.  He didn't hide his feelings.  He would tell everyone how much he hated God, cause God was mean to him when he was little.  Was God mean to Nagi?  Was that why he was so quiet and lonely?  He didn't think Nagi believed in God… or the same God.  That was okay.  Cause then Nagi was REALLY hurting God… cause God didn't like people who believed in other gods.

He would like it if Nagi didn't hide his feelings.  Like that one time at that big house… when those annoying girls were there.  That was one of the times when he couldn't really think.  He knew that Nagi liked the little girl.  He was sorry later that he tried to kill her.  He was surprised that Nagi cried.  And he screamed too.  Nagi hurt a lot that night.  He didn't want the boy to hurt, but he didn't want him to hide his feelings.  

**_~How come I must know / Where obsession needs to go? ~_**

He was getting sleepy.  Maybe if he went to sleep, Nagi would be back when he woke up.  He wanted to ask the boy where he went.  Would he take him sometime?

He shifted to lie down on the mattress on the floor.  He could sleep sitting up, but Nagi always seemed to get upset if he did.  He guessed that most people couldn't sleep like that.  Since he wanted to get Nagi to talk to him when he got back, it would be good to make the boy happy.

He hoped Nagi wouldn't leave.  He would miss him a lot.

His eyes closed.  Nagi will come back… he always comes back.

**_~How come I must know / The direction of relieving? ~_**

The nice thing about writing from Farf's POV… you don't have to worry about things like coherent thought and making sense.  But you know, it's is a LOT harder to write random thoughts than people think.  Oh and if you haven't guessed yet, I've had a couple migraines… exactly two more than I ever want to have in my life.  They are absolute Hell.  I really feel sorry for anyone who has them on a regular basis.


End file.
